I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
