found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
