Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So vagazzling was a success
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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