i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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