my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
