Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
