My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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