her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I puked a lego.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
