i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
