I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
