butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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