'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
