he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
