I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dear god my vagina.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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