If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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