Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
