I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
