Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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