It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love having hate sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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