there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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