Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
