Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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