he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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