Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
