ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
