My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
