TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
