When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
