we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
