I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
