my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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