is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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