Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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