Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize