Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
