I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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