Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
