Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
