she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Randomize
