I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
