omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
