Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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