I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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