When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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