So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
