So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
