Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
