so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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