If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
