Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your penis caused this!
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