What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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