If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
