Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
