whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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