So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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