she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
