my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
