Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
