Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
