I faked an abortion last night.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Randomize
