whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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