thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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