I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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