I can text with my tongue
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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