Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
