just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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