I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
