i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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