I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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