you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
