Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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