The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
