Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
