i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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