ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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