Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
