I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
