just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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