____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
