When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
