david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
