living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
