so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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