this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
