it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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