he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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