You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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