just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize